Mourning Those Who Harm You

MOURNING THOSE WHO HARM YOU

                                                 Christopher Ebbe, Ph.D.    12-11

ABSTRACT:  The phenomenon of citizens mourning the death of an abusive dictator is examined, as is the more general phenomenon of mourning those who harm us.

KEY WORDS:  mourning, identification with the aggressor, propaganda

 

The spectacle of North Korean citizens mourning the recent death of their dictator Kim Jong Il is startling to people in other countries, who find it incongruous that citizens should mourn the passing of a leader who deceived his citizens, presided over the starvation of many of them, and lived in luxury while many if not most of them lived in poverty.  There are several explanations for this mourning.  (No doubt some of the televised mourning by citizens could be accounted for as public “show,” but some of it seems genuine.)

Human beings are prone to idealize their leaders, since those leaders are at the top of the society’s status hierarchy, and they are therefore inclined to believe what their leaders say.

People also tend to associate the good aspects of their status (food, clothing, shelter, social life, entertainment) with the leader, rather than the bad aspects, as long as the causal connection between the leader and the bad aspects is unclear.  They come to believe over time that maintaining these good aspects of their lives is dependent on the leader’s functioning.  In this case, propaganda and the state controlled media always associated Kim Jong Il with what were claimed to be good aspects and never with bad aspects, and the lack of claims to the contrary and the continual repetition of praise for the leader succeeded in convincing many that he was responsible for the good but not for the bad.  It seems also to have succeeded in convincing many that what they had was good, even though in other countries it would have been considered quite bad.

The extended maltreatment of citizens in North Korea was accomplished partly by praising citizens for their contributions to the Communist ideal (through their work and also through their suffering), partly through a rigid and brutal police system that tolerated no dissent, and partly through the inculcated belief in supposed threats to North Korea by the rest of the world (the old political trick of scaring the populace into giving or going to war, so that they don’t see what the leader is actually doing).

There may also for some citizens have been an “identification with the aggressor,” in which the citizen, in order to make the best psychologically of the situation, joins her identity with that of the aggressor (or captor, or abuser, or abusive dictator) and therefore must view the actions of the aggressor as acceptable.  She may also enjoy to some degree the bad treatment of others (or even of herself) by the aggressor, by “being” the aggressor (participating in the aggressor’s actions psychologically, just as we “become” the hero when watching a movie), because to harm others is an outlet for the unconscious anger felt by the individual against the aggressor but repressed out of fear, and it also proves to the individual that she is not the only one being thusly treated.

The “brainwashing” of North Koreans through their media (and even more importantly through the lack of views from other countries or from opposition within North Korea) can be seen as similar to that in a cult, in which things within the cult and outside the cult are radically separated and only good is associated with the cult and its leaders.  If the individual member identifies sufficiently with the group (the cult), he will “buy into” the view presented by the cult, in order to remain a member.  Having once “believed” or at least “bought into” the view of the cult, the member will resist contrary evidence, partly because he realizes unconsciously that to admit the truth of contrary evidence would be to admit that he had been duped and foolish.

This identification with the “cult” or with any group extends to our identification with our own families, which explains the phenomenon of family members being treated badly by parents but vigorously defending the parents against any criticism from outside.

The tendency to idealize a leader is alive and well in our society, as evidenced by the fervent support by at least some citizens of almost any political leader.  Disappointment and cynicism regarding leaders is demonstrated by those who see every politician as automatically lying and corrupt.

The reaction of those who have been massively deceived is resistance to the truth, followed by disorientation, followed by amazement, and finally by the anger that we would expect from those who have been deceived and mistreated.  This pattern is clear from cult “deprogramming” and in the lives of citizens of countries in which a repressive regime is replaced by a non-repressive one.  Noting this phenomenon may help us to examine our own unconscious identifications with and dependencies on various aggressors (and leaders) in our lives and to consider whether we wish to continue those identifications and dependencies.

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