WHAT’S THE RUSH
TO KNOW AND TO KNOW THE FUTURE?
Christopher Ebbe,
Ph.D. 3-13
ABSTRACT: Factors are described
that explain the internal pressure that many people experience to know what has
happened as soon as possible and to know future outcomes before they
occur. Implications for anxiety
management in general are given.
KEY WORDS: future, knowing the
future, knowing, future anxiety, social media, the news, self-esteem,
self-confidence, existential anxiety
The Eagerness To Know
Technology and social media have elicited in many people a strong urge
to know events and personal news of others immediately if not sooner. A number of people check their cell phone
messages or Facebook feeds several times an hour, rather than waiting until
after work to do it or waiting to talk with other people by phone instead. Once involved in this up-to-date knowing, it
is difficult for them to stop doing it.
People in the past who did not have cell phones or Facebook were unable
to know things as soon as we do now, but as far as we know they did not suffer
for it, except for the understandable wondering and worrying while waiting for
outcomes that would directly affect them.
Ninety-five percent of the information in instant messaging or Facebook
posts has no actual impact on the lives of those who learn of it, with the
exceptions of the thrill of knowing it and the opportunity to communicate about
it to others sooner, so what motivates the desire to know sooner? (A fair amount of the use of cell phones and
social media results from the user enjoying doing these things more than doing
the alternatives, usually working, but we will focus here on the actual
motivation to “be in touch” and to know.)
Social Media
In a small percentage of uses of social media, of course, users are
worried about the outcome of some event in the life of a person they care about
(a medical event, a pending application, etc.), and knowing the outcome may
alleviate the worry or least focus it differently.
Human beings seek stimulation and avoid boredom, and in this sense,
seeking the stimulation of social media and “the news” is natural. It is possible now, using immediate media
(electronic and always with you and available), to have constant stimulation,
which is too much for the human system and leads to fatigue and brain
fade. It is curious that a significant
number of people use social media and “the news” to an extent that leads to overstimulation,
and this choice perhaps relates to the following motives.
Many users fear being left out or left behind if they do not keep up
with all the news of their set of friends or acquaintances. If others know sooner and interact regarding
the news, then those who do not know until later cannot participate fully in
the fun and status of gossip and talking about others (with whatever
self-protective effect there is of everyone else knowing that one is
listening).
Knowing gossipy things about others gives one a sense of power and a
sense of superiority, and knowing more of these things or knowing them sooner
may seem to enhance these benefits.
These are the same benefits as those of face-to-face or phone gossip;
they just happen sooner, and the size of the social network provides more
opportunities to feel these benefits.
In actual interaction (face-to-face or phone), there is a time limit on
how much of it one can do, but little bits of information about many, many more
people are now available electronically, thus increasing the opportunity for
the emotional benefits of knowing about others.
Focusing more on others reduces one’s contact with oneself and reduces
whatever anxieties there are in that, such as not liking oneself, feeling bad
about oneself, and feeling guilty or ashamed about oneself and one’s life.
The “News”
Ninety-five percent of what is presented in television and radio news
is of interest to many people (crime, disasters, accidents, gossip) but is not
essential to running their lives or to making our democracy work. (The content of newspapers is somewhat more
relevant to these latter purposes.) We
may say that watching the news is important for “knowing what is going on,” but
while “knowing” is in general relevant to our safety and success in our daily
tasks, knowing about all of the actions of media stars and all of the crimes, car
accidents, and sports events in our region on a daily basis is not relevant
knowledge, so most of the “news” is not for relevant knowledge but for enjoyment
and titillation.
Much is made by news organizations of how quickly their users are told
about events after they occur, but this quickness is only rarely related to the
quality of our lives. It makes little
practical difference in our lives that we have “breaking news” about crimes,
car chases, and entertainment events.
Even more peculiar is the amount of time spent in media about certain
future events, like elections. Whole
evenings of television are devoted by major networks to elections while votes
are being counted. Of course we are
interested in the outcomes of elections, but we don’t actually know those
outcomes until the very end of those programs (and sometimes not even then).
That major TV stations send their own personnel to foreign locations
where “news” is being made (election of the Pope, a royal wedding) seems
unnecessary and wasteful, when coverage from media already at those locations
is available, and yet we seem to feel that the immediacy of almost being there
is valuable. That sense of being there
and involvement is stimulating, of course, but has little or no informational
value (except, perhaps, in a cross-cultural way).
Knowing of events or activities immediately may be relevant to our
success in a few instances (electronic stock trading), but in most it is
not. Knowing the outcome at the instant
of a new Pope’s election or when a candidate has enough votes to win a position
is interesting but not important. Before
electronic information, people survived quite well even when they had to wait
for weeks to learn of the outcome of distant events. What is it in us or about us that “makes” us
feel that we cannot go to bed without knowing an outcome instead of simply waiting
to find out tomorrow?
Underlying Motives
The key motives and gratifications behind the press for immediate
knowing are (1) quelling anxiety that we have about the particular things that
are happening, (2) quelling feelings of being out of control (not being in
control), (3) feeling superior to others who do not yet know, and (4) wanting
to “keep up” and not be inferior to those who already know.
When we are concerned about the outcome of a certain situation, such as
the medical condition of a loved one, we naturally can feel less anxiety when
we know the outcome, or at least have indicators of the eventual outcome. In addition to this anxiety, though, we often
have existential anxiety about the more general issue of being or feeling out
of control, stimulated in this circumstance by the fact that we are not in
control of the particular outcome that we are concerned about. Since we depend on knowing to produce
moment-to-moment feelings of confidence in our futures (that we can predict
what will happen next, that we will be OK, that we can handle what is coming
next), not to know something that will affect our lives, like whether our loved
one will be OK or who the next President will be, produces a certain amount of
anticipatory anxiety stemming from feeling out of control. Simply feeling as if we know everything
relevant to our immediate future is not really to be in any greater control of
it, but we still feel more in control if we know all of the relevant factors
that will affect our future, particularly if we feel that we can cope
adequately with them. The need to
maintain this illusion (or assumption) of control is stronger for some people
than for others, probably depending mostly on their overall sense of confidence
in themselves and in the environment.
We have touched above on the value of the feeling of superiority that
we may have for knowing more than others and knowing it sooner than others and
on the fear of falling behind or seeming to be inferior for not knowing as much
as others as soon as they know it. These
feelings are not unique to our use of informational or social media but are
universal in families and in all human social groups.
The Deeper Issues
Many people use social media in an appropriate and measured way and are
not motivated by concerns about inferiority or inadequacy. For them, the following information is not
necessarily relevant, but for those whose use of media and news is at all “compulsive,”
it may be helpful.
In order to quiet our anxieties and concerns about not knowing
everything others know, not knowing it as soon as they do, and feeling out of
control in our lives, it may help to examine our self-esteem, our confidence in
ourselves, our tolerance for being separate or isolated, and our tolerance for
being alone.
Fears about how others view and feel about us should prompt us to
examine weaknesses in our feelings about ourselves. Instead of fearing that others will be
looking down on us or stop including us if we don’t keep up or participate
adequately, if we had reasonably good self-esteem, we could feel that we would
be just fine even if others were silly enough to feel superior for knowing
unimportant things sooner than we do and would be just fine even if we couldn’t
be involved with those sorts of persons.
Having good self-esteem requires self-knowledge (knowing who we are and
being aware of all of our thoughts and feelings), an independent mind (so that
we decide for ourselves whether knowing things sooner than others is a legitimate
way to judge people and we make our own conclusions about ourselves more
important than those of others), self-acceptance (allowing ourselves to be just
as we are without attacking ourselves for it, even if we do not like everything
about ourselves at the present and plan to make some changes), and self-love
(treating ourselves well and valuing ourselves). (See Ebbe, How To Feel Good About
Yourself—Twelve Key Steps To Positive Self-Esteem for more.)
Self-acceptance also requires letting go of expectations of perfection
in ourselves. It is counterproductive to
be anxious about making mistakes, since no matter how we try and no matter how
well we do in general, we will always be making mistakes—having misperceptions,
thinking incorrectly, and making physical errors as we try to do things. Self-confidence, then, is confidence in our
general successfulness in life, even while acknowledging that we will continue
to make some mistakes no matter how we try to avoid them.
If we are insecure about being included and feel hurt by any implied devaluation
of ourselves that anyone else makes, we will probably continue to strive to
please others regardless of the value or importance of the activity or
relationship. If we have healthy
self-esteem, we can conclude that being included or excluded on the basis of
keeping up with unimportant “news” is nothing to feel either good or bad about,
that relationships that depend on this activity are of moderate or little
value, and that we can be comfortable with whatever level of engagement we choose
to have with this activity.
Being able to be comfortable with any level of social media use (or any
other activity) that we choose also requires confidence in our basic value and
worth, which leads to confidence that we will be included and valued by many
people whom we can also value. If we
have this confidence, then we can tolerate occasional instances of being
ignored, made fun of, or excluded by some.
One of the consequences of being ignored, made fun of, or excluded is
being aware of our separateness from others and our at least occasional
isolation, which is an important defining element of our human existential
position. Since we are so highly motivated
to be included, we don’t often contemplate our true, ultimate separateness,
with its implication of isolation, but part of emotional maturity is knowing
that we are separate and tolerating this knowledge and the experience of being
separate with some degree of equanimity.
This equanimity allows us to do such important things as standing up for
what know is right even though others are disagreeing and feeling OK after
losing some friends and before making other friends. Tolerating being separate is made easier by
having the confidence that given who we are and given the large number of
people out there who also want connections, we will be able to find satisfying
inclusion and relationships, regardless of any current isolation.
Sometimes experiences of being separate from others are felt as being
alone, and many people are uncomfortable with this. They therefore use constant activity and
attending to things outside themselves to avoid feeling alone. Use of social media is one way that aloneness
is avoided, since it gives the sense, at the touch of a button, of contact with
others, even if it is not direct contact.
Since discomfort with being alone is due partly to fear of being unable
to cope with deprivation and danger by oneself, gaining confidence in one’s
ability to deal with things in general can help. Just noticing all of the things that we do
successfully to cope each day, most of which we tend to ignore, can give us added
confidence. Identifying the areas of
activity in which we feel less competent (social contact?, assertiveness?, clumsiness?,
thinking clearly?) can tell us where to focus some learning energy, so that we
can improve our skills and therefore have a firmer basis for feeling confident
in general. (The emphasis here on
self-sufficiency is not meant to downplay the importance of relationships or of
the support that we all need from others, but being more capable and confident
within ourselves allows us to have even better and more mature relationships.)
Being alone also tends to make us more aware of ourselves. Without other things to focus on, we notice
more about ourselves, and many people avoid this because a fair number of those
awarenesses produce negative emotions—the self-criticism, self-disapproval, and
self-dislike that are so common in people in our society. Self-awareness also brings up larger
wonderings, too, like the meaning of life, the meaning of our own individual
lives, and how we fit into the universe, which have no “warm and fuzzy” answers
outside of religion and its cosmologies.
Once again, becoming more comfortable with ourselves (more comfortable
being aware of ourselves and aware of everything about ourselves) requires
improved self-esteem, self-knowledge, self-confidence based on the reality of
our functioning, and the acceptance of our imperfections.
Final Conclusion
News and social media can serve the useful purposes of informing us and
creating connections with others, albeit distant ones, but using them to make
up for unnecessary anxieties or immaturities will not solve those anxieties or
immaturities in any long-term way and can also lead to other problems. It may be more productive in the long-term to
seek more fundamental solutions, such as improved self-esteem and
self-confidence as well as mature and settled tolerance for our existential
separateness and aloneness.
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