What's the Rush To Know and To Know the Future?

 

WHAT’S THE RUSH TO KNOW AND TO KNOW THE FUTURE?

Christopher Ebbe, Ph.D.    3-13

ABSTRACT:  Factors are described that explain the internal pressure that many people experience to know what has happened as soon as possible and to know future outcomes before they occur.  Implications for anxiety management in general are given.

KEY WORDS:  future, knowing the future, knowing, future anxiety, social media, the news, self-esteem, self-confidence, existential anxiety

The Eagerness To Know

Technology and social media have elicited in many people a strong urge to know events and personal news of others immediately if not sooner.  A number of people check their cell phone messages or Facebook feeds several times an hour, rather than waiting until after work to do it or waiting to talk with other people by phone instead.  Once involved in this up-to-date knowing, it is difficult for them to stop doing it.

People in the past who did not have cell phones or Facebook were unable to know things as soon as we do now, but as far as we know they did not suffer for it, except for the understandable wondering and worrying while waiting for outcomes that would directly affect them.  Ninety-five percent of the information in instant messaging or Facebook posts has no actual impact on the lives of those who learn of it, with the exceptions of the thrill of knowing it and the opportunity to communicate about it to others sooner, so what motivates the desire to know sooner?  (A fair amount of the use of cell phones and social media results from the user enjoying doing these things more than doing the alternatives, usually working, but we will focus here on the actual motivation to “be in touch” and to know.)

Social Media

In a small percentage of uses of social media, of course, users are worried about the outcome of some event in the life of a person they care about (a medical event, a pending application, etc.), and knowing the outcome may alleviate the worry or least focus it differently.

Human beings seek stimulation and avoid boredom, and in this sense, seeking the stimulation of social media and “the news” is natural.  It is possible now, using immediate media (electronic and always with you and available), to have constant stimulation, which is too much for the human system and leads to fatigue and brain fade.  It is curious that a significant number of people use social media and “the news” to an extent that leads to overstimulation, and this choice perhaps relates to the following motives.

Many users fear being left out or left behind if they do not keep up with all the news of their set of friends or acquaintances.  If others know sooner and interact regarding the news, then those who do not know until later cannot participate fully in the fun and status of gossip and talking about others (with whatever self-protective effect there is of everyone else knowing that one is listening).

Knowing gossipy things about others gives one a sense of power and a sense of superiority, and knowing more of these things or knowing them sooner may seem to enhance these benefits.  These are the same benefits as those of face-to-face or phone gossip; they just happen sooner, and the size of the social network provides more opportunities to feel these benefits.

In actual interaction (face-to-face or phone), there is a time limit on how much of it one can do, but little bits of information about many, many more people are now available electronically, thus increasing the opportunity for the emotional benefits of knowing about others.

Focusing more on others reduces one’s contact with oneself and reduces whatever anxieties there are in that, such as not liking oneself, feeling bad about oneself, and feeling guilty or ashamed about oneself and one’s life.

The “News”

Ninety-five percent of what is presented in television and radio news is of interest to many people (crime, disasters, accidents, gossip) but is not essential to running their lives or to making our democracy work.  (The content of newspapers is somewhat more relevant to these latter purposes.)  We may say that watching the news is important for “knowing what is going on,” but while “knowing” is in general relevant to our safety and success in our daily tasks, knowing about all of the actions of media stars and all of the crimes, car accidents, and sports events in our region on a daily basis is not relevant knowledge, so most of the “news” is not for relevant knowledge but for enjoyment and titillation. 

Much is made by news organizations of how quickly their users are told about events after they occur, but this quickness is only rarely related to the quality of our lives.  It makes little practical difference in our lives that we have “breaking news” about crimes, car chases, and entertainment events.  Even more peculiar is the amount of time spent in media about certain future events, like elections.  Whole evenings of television are devoted by major networks to elections while votes are being counted.  Of course we are interested in the outcomes of elections, but we don’t actually know those outcomes until the very end of those programs (and sometimes not even then).  

That major TV stations send their own personnel to foreign locations where “news” is being made (election of the Pope, a royal wedding) seems unnecessary and wasteful, when coverage from media already at those locations is available, and yet we seem to feel that the immediacy of almost being there is valuable.  That sense of being there and involvement is stimulating, of course, but has little or no informational value (except, perhaps, in a cross-cultural way).

Knowing of events or activities immediately may be relevant to our success in a few instances (electronic stock trading), but in most it is not.  Knowing the outcome at the instant of a new Pope’s election or when a candidate has enough votes to win a position is interesting but not important.  Before electronic information, people survived quite well even when they had to wait for weeks to learn of the outcome of distant events.  What is it in us or about us that “makes” us feel that we cannot go to bed without knowing an outcome instead of simply waiting to find out tomorrow?

Underlying Motives

The key motives and gratifications behind the press for immediate knowing are (1) quelling anxiety that we have about the particular things that are happening, (2) quelling feelings of being out of control (not being in control), (3) feeling superior to others who do not yet know, and (4) wanting to “keep up” and not be inferior to those who already know.

When we are concerned about the outcome of a certain situation, such as the medical condition of a loved one, we naturally can feel less anxiety when we know the outcome, or at least have indicators of the eventual outcome.  In addition to this anxiety, though, we often have existential anxiety about the more general issue of being or feeling out of control, stimulated in this circumstance by the fact that we are not in control of the particular outcome that we are concerned about.  Since we depend on knowing to produce moment-to-moment feelings of confidence in our futures (that we can predict what will happen next, that we will be OK, that we can handle what is coming next), not to know something that will affect our lives, like whether our loved one will be OK or who the next President will be, produces a certain amount of anticipatory anxiety stemming from feeling out of control.  Simply feeling as if we know everything relevant to our immediate future is not really to be in any greater control of it, but we still feel more in control if we know all of the relevant factors that will affect our future, particularly if we feel that we can cope adequately with them.  The need to maintain this illusion (or assumption) of control is stronger for some people than for others, probably depending mostly on their overall sense of confidence in themselves and in the environment.

We have touched above on the value of the feeling of superiority that we may have for knowing more than others and knowing it sooner than others and on the fear of falling behind or seeming to be inferior for not knowing as much as others as soon as they know it.  These feelings are not unique to our use of informational or social media but are universal in families and in all human social groups.

The Deeper Issues

Many people use social media in an appropriate and measured way and are not motivated by concerns about inferiority or inadequacy.  For them, the following information is not necessarily relevant, but for those whose use of media and news is at all “compulsive,” it may be helpful.

In order to quiet our anxieties and concerns about not knowing everything others know, not knowing it as soon as they do, and feeling out of control in our lives, it may help to examine our self-esteem, our confidence in ourselves, our tolerance for being separate or isolated, and our tolerance for being alone.

Fears about how others view and feel about us should prompt us to examine weaknesses in our feelings about ourselves.  Instead of fearing that others will be looking down on us or stop including us if we don’t keep up or participate adequately, if we had reasonably good self-esteem, we could feel that we would be just fine even if others were silly enough to feel superior for knowing unimportant things sooner than we do and would be just fine even if we couldn’t be involved with those sorts of persons.  Having good self-esteem requires self-knowledge (knowing who we are and being aware of all of our thoughts and feelings), an independent mind (so that we decide for ourselves whether knowing things sooner than others is a legitimate way to judge people and we make our own conclusions about ourselves more important than those of others), self-acceptance (allowing ourselves to be just as we are without attacking ourselves for it, even if we do not like everything about ourselves at the present and plan to make some changes), and self-love (treating ourselves well and valuing ourselves).  (See Ebbe, How To Feel Good About Yourself—Twelve Key Steps To Positive Self-Esteem for more.) 

Self-acceptance also requires letting go of expectations of perfection in ourselves.  It is counterproductive to be anxious about making mistakes, since no matter how we try and no matter how well we do in general, we will always be making mistakes—having misperceptions, thinking incorrectly, and making physical errors as we try to do things.  Self-confidence, then, is confidence in our general successfulness in life, even while acknowledging that we will continue to make some mistakes no matter how we try to avoid them.

If we are insecure about being included and feel hurt by any implied devaluation of ourselves that anyone else makes, we will probably continue to strive to please others regardless of the value or importance of the activity or relationship.  If we have healthy self-esteem, we can conclude that being included or excluded on the basis of keeping up with unimportant “news” is nothing to feel either good or bad about, that relationships that depend on this activity are of moderate or little value, and that we can be comfortable with whatever level of engagement we choose to have with this activity. 

Being able to be comfortable with any level of social media use (or any other activity) that we choose also requires confidence in our basic value and worth, which leads to confidence that we will be included and valued by many people whom we can also value.  If we have this confidence, then we can tolerate occasional instances of being ignored, made fun of, or excluded by some.

One of the consequences of being ignored, made fun of, or excluded is being aware of our separateness from others and our at least occasional isolation, which is an important defining element of our human existential position.  Since we are so highly motivated to be included, we don’t often contemplate our true, ultimate separateness, with its implication of isolation, but part of emotional maturity is knowing that we are separate and tolerating this knowledge and the experience of being separate with some degree of equanimity.  This equanimity allows us to do such important things as standing up for what know is right even though others are disagreeing and feeling OK after losing some friends and before making other friends.  Tolerating being separate is made easier by having the confidence that given who we are and given the large number of people out there who also want connections, we will be able to find satisfying inclusion and relationships, regardless of any current isolation.

Sometimes experiences of being separate from others are felt as being alone, and many people are uncomfortable with this.  They therefore use constant activity and attending to things outside themselves to avoid feeling alone.  Use of social media is one way that aloneness is avoided, since it gives the sense, at the touch of a button, of contact with others, even if it is not direct contact.  Since discomfort with being alone is due partly to fear of being unable to cope with deprivation and danger by oneself, gaining confidence in one’s ability to deal with things in general can help.  Just noticing all of the things that we do successfully to cope each day, most of which we tend to ignore, can give us added confidence.  Identifying the areas of activity in which we feel less competent (social contact?, assertiveness?, clumsiness?, thinking clearly?) can tell us where to focus some learning energy, so that we can improve our skills and therefore have a firmer basis for feeling confident in general.  (The emphasis here on self-sufficiency is not meant to downplay the importance of relationships or of the support that we all need from others, but being more capable and confident within ourselves allows us to have even better and more mature relationships.)

Being alone also tends to make us more aware of ourselves.  Without other things to focus on, we notice more about ourselves, and many people avoid this because a fair number of those awarenesses produce negative emotions—the self-criticism, self-disapproval, and self-dislike that are so common in people in our society.  Self-awareness also brings up larger wonderings, too, like the meaning of life, the meaning of our own individual lives, and how we fit into the universe, which have no “warm and fuzzy” answers outside of religion and its cosmologies.

Once again, becoming more comfortable with ourselves (more comfortable being aware of ourselves and aware of everything about ourselves) requires improved self-esteem, self-knowledge, self-confidence based on the reality of our functioning, and the acceptance of our imperfections.

Final Conclusion

News and social media can serve the useful purposes of informing us and creating connections with others, albeit distant ones, but using them to make up for unnecessary anxieties or immaturities will not solve those anxieties or immaturities in any long-term way and can also lead to other problems.  It may be more productive in the long-term to seek more fundamental solutions, such as improved self-esteem and self-confidence as well as mature and settled tolerance for our existential separateness and aloneness.

 

 

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